The “first victim” is the person who is actually diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease; the person who finds their memory failing, their personality changing, their past and present fading into a sea of frightening and confusing fragments of recognition.  But Alzheimer’s disease affects more than just its victims, it touches the lives of their families and friends as well… especially their spouses.

These are the “second victims”; the spouses and caregivers who find their own lives fading away as well as they sacrifice and struggle to do right by a person with whom they have spent many loving years, who recognizes them—and whom they recognize—with less and less frequency. These “second victims” can suffer from depression and health problems as well, often with tragic results. This article in the Wall Street Journal states that, “A 2006 study published in the New England Journal of Medicine found that spouses of people with dementia and psychiatric diseases were more likely to die themselves within a year of the afflicted spouse’s death, compared with similar cases involving colon cancer, fractures or heart problems.”

The WSJ article details the diminished existence of “second victims”, and exposes the controversy around how some of them are choosing to protect their mental health and find companionship again. Although this is at heart a very personal issue, it touches on some legal issues as well:

• How can you prepare financially for the full-time nursing care a late stage Alzheimer’s victim often needs? How does government assistance fit into the equation?
• How can you ensure that you or your spouse have a loving and trustworthy conservator caring for you when you are unable to understand and make your own medical and financial decisions?
• Is there a way to ensure that the wealth and assets you accumulated during your life together will pass to your children and grandchildren if your spouse chooses to one day remarry?

If someone you love is dealing with Alzheimer’s disease please don’t hesitate to let us help by taking the legal questions off your plate. Alzheimer’s disease creates enough loss and confusion without the added uncertainty that comes with these legal issues; and when you’re living day by day, every little bit helps.

The recent verdict by a New York jury finding Anthony Marshall guilty of stealing from his aging mother Brooke Astor while she suffered from Alzheimer’s disease is a hopeful one for elder abuse experts.  Elder abuse is an issue that is all too common in our society, but one that rarely gets much attention.  And it isn’t only the very wealthy who fall victim to elder abuse.  According to the National Center on Elder Abuse “between 1 and 2 million Americans age 65 or older have been injured, exploited, or otherwise mistreated by someone on whom they depended for care or protection.”

Financial abuse of elders in particular goes under-reported in our culture, mainly because it leaves no visible scars to tip off friends and family.  It is disheartening to discover that in most cases of financial exploitation of elders the perpetrator is a family member, often the victim’s own son or daughter.

When mom or dad begins to show signs of dementia or Alzheimer’s disease, the child who lives closest is often the one who ends up serving as caretaker—both physically and financially; but that may not be the child best suited to the purpose, and it may not be the child mom or dad would have chosen had they been able. One way to prevent this from happening is to make your own decisions about who your physical and financial caretakers will be by executing a nomination of conservator, health care directive, and durable power of attorney. These three simple documents can allow you to choose the best person to care for you when you are unable to care for yourself. 

Don’t let someone you know become a victim of elder abuse.  If you suspect a situation of elder abuse please call your local elder abuse hotline for help.  If you want to do everything you can to prevent getting into a situation of financial elder abuse yourself, call our office.

In an ideal world elderly parents and their adult children always get along, and when those parents pass away their children quietly and respectfully follow their wishes regarding the distribution of their estate. Unfortunately, we don’t always live in an ideal world, and inheritance and estate planning can often cause tension between parents and children before the parents have even reached retirement age!

What are your options when you know your kids won’t like what you’ve put in your will or trust? Many people choose to simply keep their wishes secreted away in a safety deposit box until they’ve passed away and then let everyone fight it out on their own; but this only puts off the bad feelings and can often cause lasting rifts among siblings. This strategy of secrecy also doesn’t address what happens if you become incapacitated and need one of your trustees or agents (in all likelihood one of your children) to take over your affairs.

A better option than secrecy is to invite your children to your final meeting with your estate planning attorney. This gives you an opportunity to share your plans in the presence of a knowledgeable professional who is on your side; it also gives your kids the chance to ask questions and get clear and immediate answers. More often than not tension about mom and dad’s estate plan stems from a lack of understanding, or a worry that mom or dad have been taken advantage of. Having a family meeting with your attorney can be reassuring, educational, and put everyone one the same page moving into the future.

A recent study about how divorce may affect your health has been making the rounds in the news sources lately. This article discusses how the added stress of divorce, family upheaval, and tighter finances can be so detrimental to your health that the effects can last years into the future. Because our firm works frequently to help divorced or remarrying couples update their estate plans to protect their new blended families this article sparked our interest. But what was even more interesting was this recent post by Paula Span about the effects divorce can have 20 or 30 years down the road—not just on the couple but on their grown children now acting as caregivers.

According to Ms. Span, adult children of aging parents often find themselves caring not only for mom and dad but also for stepmom, stepdad and sometimes even another stepparent from yet a third (and current) marriage. Dividing time (and often finances) between so many parents with new and special needs can quickly take its toll, as can the family politics that come with adult siblings, half siblings, and step siblings. “It adds another layer of complexity to an already complex and emotional situation.”

With all of this complexity and intermingling family ties, it is more important than ever to have conversations about estate planning and long-term care with parents and siblings before mom and dad (and stepmom and stepdad) get to an age where they need in-home or around the clock nursing care. A good estate plan can eliminate much potential fighting and confusion by clearly defining who will be making financial decisions and who should be making health care decisions when mom or dad become incapacitated. And a caregiver agreement can provide financial assistance to the one sibling who inevitably ends up shouldering most of the care giving burden.

If you are a part of a blended family don’t wait for time to take its toll; talk to your parents and siblings now about any challenges the future may bring—and how to meet those challenges together.